I decided

Life was trying to squeeze me at the throat,
suffocate, juice out any life left within me,
quite simply, choke me, and block any air supply that I’d need
But life itself just couldn’t kill me, it just couldn’t end me
it just couldn’t end me
Even though anxiety would pull the very hairs on my skin
And my depression wore a happy face so the world would never get in
My soul – misaligned, overwhelmed and crying out from within
At my very core, I knew I’d been strong for way too long – drowning within myself
I had bottled up a mass of emotions that would at any given moment, explode

But…the numbness just couldn’t take over me
Because One day I came up for air
Even though my last breath was so near
At the very edge of this cliff called my mind
Jesus appeared like a radiant light
Interceded and said it’s not over, I’m here
He commanded and calmed the uncertainty of my thoughts
He held my hands and pulled me out of my drowning in the quicksand
I was mentally parched
Thirsty for him in every way possible.
I almost let life end me
But I came up for air
And almost let life use me
But I stood on the rock of my Faith instead
I almost let life’s efforts to end me become my reality,
But I exercised my right to choose
My right to speak
My right to command through the Holy Spirit,
that a purposeful life is what I desire and seek,
I almost let this be the end
But depression then suicide was not what my narrator had said
So, I made a decision – That this would be the beginning of the end
Not the end of me
But the end of a me that I was never destined to be

The beginning of a new me clothed in the Glory only for my saviour and king
In a love
So, perfect
In an embrace
So, worth it
I decided to press mute on the evil words the devil had said
The lies wrapped in motive to steal, kill and destroy me instead
I decided to gather together the mess of my thoughts
Drop them at my saviour’s feet
Trust in a power more greater than me
Release my need to be in control
And embrace the uncertainty of the unknown
And hope in a reality where my purpose was greater over the lies circulating in my head
I decided that day that the devil’s schemes were not my end.
So I decided to start again
To begin
I guess, I simply decided not to choose to die but… to choose to Live

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